By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He did a backflip because drugs
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
