I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize