i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
