idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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