let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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