It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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