Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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