If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
