I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
