I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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