Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
