I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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