yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
