What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
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so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
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Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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