What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
