i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
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Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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