so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
