Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
