I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
