she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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