i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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