When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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