Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
