you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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