I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
