if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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