i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
