Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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