It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The power of my boobs compel you
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
