My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
