you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
