My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
