Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
