She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
