based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
