made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
