a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
