the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize