Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
