I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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