he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
