God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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