please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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