He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
