My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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