somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
