she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
