I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
