No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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