She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
