my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
