I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
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Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
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I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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