i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
nutella sex= disaster
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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