just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I lost the right to judge tonight
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
