Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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