Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
