I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
