You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
