3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
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It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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