She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
