if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
only you would photoshop your dick
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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