I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
