I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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