By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
