I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
