dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
