I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
