i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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