I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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