I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
