i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
