Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
